Epiphanies

this is a quick and dirty adaptation of an email I just sent to Ana...

Remember how I am going to do my special long research project on the relationship between these two forts back in the 1800's? and it involves being in the library all the time? and how the program leader called me into her office and pretty much made me doubt my right to be a historian? (this is to get you caught up on this because I don't know how much I told you) and how I don't have an adviser yet even though we were supposed to like two weeks ago and I have been secretly freaking out in my brain because the leader (Aunty Irene) totally killed my excitement for the project...[GASPBREATHEGASP] well, I totally changed my project, and this is why:

I live in Volta hall, on the third floor, with a bunch of obrunis and a bunch of Ghanaian girls. One of the Ghanaian girls, Reggie, was instrumental in the recovery of our kitten, who had wandered onto the (fifty foot long, shared between all the rooms) balcony and was in danger of a) starving to death or b) getting killed by one of our neighbors, who are mostly cat-hating Ghanaians (they think cats are pretty much literally the spawn of Satan and most don't keep them as pets) or c) general doom. SO Reggie was helping me go door to door and look, and was all nice and kind, and her own pet cat just died about two months ago, so after the whole feline fiasco I invited her back to the room to visit with her new surrogate kitten. and we got to talking about all kinds of things, including church (next day was Sunday) and god and the like. She is Christian, like about 75% of the country, so we were talking about her father's conversion (grandfather was the leader of the warriors of their village, a semi-religious NON CHRISTIAN ritual-requiring position of some authority) and the discussion of magic came about. Also, the discussion of mental illness/insanity. And Reggie told me that if a witch tries to put a curse on you, and you are Christian, you pray to god, and your prayers become arrows that will go straight to the witch's chest and drive them insane. So crazy people who wander along the side of the road begging for money may be witches possessed by the devil, and you have to say a silent prayer over the money (Dear god, please sanctify this 1,000 cedi note and BATHE IT IN THE BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST) before you give it to them, or you will be possessed or cursed or something too.

Pretty much, Magic Is Real In Ghana. Not in a heehee, wouldn't it be funny if, witches and broomsticks kind of way. Not even diluted by an entire country of disbelief. It is real, present, and powerful, so powerful. I have written papers about 'fetish' worship, syncretism, African religions blending or not blending with Christianity. And to write those papers I had to suspend my disbelief in order to give the 'traditional' religion credence. I never had a problem with that, and by the end of my thesis I actually believed that Beatriz had been possessed by a spirit. Not that it could ever happen to a living person now, but that it had happened to someone at one point in history. But I will no longer have to suspend my disbelief. I have none to suspend. I have been pretty much knocked down and inspired at the same time. My new project is going to look at (surprise) the overlap between traditional religious beliefs/needs and Christianity in southern Ghana. Like everything else I have written about Africa, this ends up being as much about religion as it is history, and as much about me and my own personal faith (on the inside) as it is about the scholarship. What gives me such a personal connection to this continent? I think it has something to do with magic, this other level of awareness that I so badly want to reach, that I think might be missing from my life, and that is REAL, alive, present, accepted here. The undefinable thing that welcomed me to Ghana on every level since I have been here? That makes this the place I need to be even in those moments (all day today, ie) when I feel totally lost and alone? Something on this new level. I still cant feel it all the time, I don't know if I will ever be able to, but it is enough to KNOW it is there...I came to Africa looking for something I couldn't quite name and maybe didn't know I was missing, and I found my faith.

so, pretty much, I am in the right place and on the edge of something so powerful....only I am walking along my path, through the woods and across the desert and over mountains. And maybe its not clear, and I don't know where its going, but I am committed to it now, and nothing is going to make me turn back. Being a historian is part of that, but there is, and always must be a balance between the conscious academic and the subconscious spirit. Ghana is full of un-looked-for surprises, gifts, kindnesses and stories that are all getting folded into my experience of life. Which means I get to take them with me wherever else I go.